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User blog:Dagostino/The Dago Reviews
Yeah yeah yeah, I know I'm copying a bunch of people (*cough* Ex *cough* Tsuba *cough*) but I am on a MAJOR Writing Block. I'm hoping to find inspiration in reading people's stories, because I haven't felt it in a long time and it's making me want to stop writing fanfics :( Reviewing SO! idk how I am going to review. All I know is I will rate 1-10, tell things I liked/didn't like, and post my review on the pages talk page AND here. If you submit a char, I will do the same. I may be harsh, but it depends on if you have a not-so-good-char or story. I will review in order of stories or chars given to me. If it is a multi-chapter story, I will read the first three (prologues count as one). Rules Each user can submit one story or character at a time. After I finish reviewing your items, you can submit more. Once you do this once though, I may get bored of doing this and stop. If you submit a multi-chapter story, you can resubmit the story and I will read another three chaps, but I have the right to refuse doing this! In order for me to review, you must post the page you want reviewed in comments. THANKS! :D Work List #The Game of Life for a Demigod - Aosh #I am a Demigod - Ex #Trip to Olympus - Dap #A Dark Cloud Over the Future - Dark #Zachery Stanton - TSR #The Questers: Wanted - The Questers #The Sound of the Orchid - Leaf #Luke Vapor - Ex #The Jackson Legacy - Tsuba #Luke Vapor's Challanges (The Olympian Games) - Ex #Hirozu wa, danketsu seyo! - JJRawesome #Vale - Leaf Reviews Aosh Hatchi The Game of Life for a Demigod (Part 1) Rating: 9/10 Good: I really liked the voice you had throughout the story. There werer a couple parts that were funny, and I really liked that. The fight scenes were very good too, and you had excellent grammar and such (though still a couple mistakes). Bad: As I said before, the beginning was a lot like The Lightning Thief. One thing I noticed was that you didn't mention much about your family, and maybe once or twice you switched fom 1st to 3rd person. I admit I didn't like the first chapter much, (and because demigods wiki annoys me) but then it got really really good, and interesting too. BY the end of the first part, I couldn't wait for more. Advice: After the bad thing that happens to his neighborhood, maybe you should've made him feel sadder or shown more emotion. I dunno, but when I read it, it just seemed like he was sad for a little bit, but then he came up and did his task by getting to camp. Now that I think about it, that isn't necessarily a bad thing. It could show good character by making him strong-willed, but you should still add a little more emotion to the face that his family is dead. ExtremeSSJ4 I am a Demigod Rating: 7/10 Good: Most of the grammar was good, and the spelling was great. There were some funny parts too, and I liked the son of Helios, since the idea isn't used much. It was also a nice short read, and I would for sure read the next chapter. Bad: There were some grammar problems with articles and commas, but it was minor. You also said, today you were attacked by a cyclopes, but you've been at camp for a couple days. I also felt as though there wasn't a definite plot, excpet that you and Mikaeala like eachother. The Helios thing wasn't really explained, and from reading chapter one I don't see if there is going to be a quest or if him and Mikaeala are just gonna flirt the whole story. Advice: It would've been nice if you maybe expanded the chapter. As I said, I would've liked to read about the cyclopes attack, or how he got to camp, and who his friend was. Maybe add a little more to the chap explaining the significance of Helios having a kid, and what that means for Allen. Also use some more decriptive writing. Luke Vapor Rating: 9/10 Good: All of the grammar and spelling is correct, the majority of the info is filled out. He isn't Op, has a good ammount of powers and the personality and appearance is good. All of the links are efficient, and the gallery was a nice touch. Bad: There were some spots that had a place for info, but there was nothing written. I didn;t see any grammar problems. :D Advice: Maybe put a title sentence on the top saying: Luke Vapor is a son of Helios, or something like that. Also add in the appearnaces that he is in The White Knights Collab and anything else he is in. In history, finish The White Knights and for spoilers, I'd say remove Camp Jupiter. Otherwise, you're good! Luke Vapor's Challanges (The Olympian Games) Rating: Good: Bad: Advice: Daughter of Poseidon118 Trip to Olympus Rating: 7/10 Good: I liked thte chapter length, and the beginning was cool. Nice story! Bad: There were some grammar mistakes, but it wasn't bad. Also, add categories to the chapters. The spacing should be updated so that there is a larger break on the paragraph, but that's my preference. Also, the plot felt a bit too much like The Lightning Thief, if you know what I'm saying... I think once I read some more, I'll edit the review. Advice: Maybe make the story a bit more original, fix the couple grammar mistakes, and make the paragraph spacing normal. :) Darkcloud1111 A Dark Cloud Over the Future Rating: 9/10 Good: It had a great plot, I loved the entire story, both of the alternate endings, the ways you portrayed the characters, and such. Really good job. Bad: Occasionally the story would get a little hard to follow, and you would rush through parts of the story that didn't need to be explained, but still felt rushed. Also some of the grammar things, as I said in the comments. You tend to mix up homophones (but these aren't easily noticed) and stuff, but it wasn't bad. Advice: Have a second beta to fix some of the grammar mistakes, and that's probably it! :D The Storm Rider Zachery Stanton Rating: 6.5/10 Good: Interesting character. Some cool powers, and nice background. Bad: There's a broken link on the first part. Some grammar problems, and repetive beginnings of sentences. His powers are somewhat overpowered, being a champion of nearly every Protogenoi, and a legacy, and having a crapload of powers. Also, two links are messed up in appearances. Advice: 'In appearance, use one word maybe, like "a dark brown that was almost black in the left, and a swirl of blue and green in the right." Just don't use brown/black and green/blue. Also, describe his skin color, any scars, shape of face, etc. Don't put fatal flaw as a heading, add it into personality. Enemies could also be put into personality, but expand this and say exactly who: such as Gaia, bullies, Titans, etc. Also, explain the "Blessing" is. Don't link the family tree if he isn't included in it. If it does though, add it so the family tree is relevent. The Questers 'The Questers: Wanted Rating: 8/10 Good: The little jokes were very entertaining, chaps were perfect size, and I like the plot. Nice cliffhanger at the end! I'm ready for the next chap (message me when the next chap is out)! Bad: '''on the first chapter there is a crapload of bullet points for some reason. try and fix this. Also, i don't know if the questers link is supposed to work, but it doesn't... and who's the line? :3 Last thing, Zach was rerally starting to annoy me. He seems way too powerful, and how you guys are hopeless wiht out his fighting skill and always wanting him to fight. Idk, it annoyed me. '''Advice: Its really good! Just fix the occasional grammar errors, and maybe explain more about what all these groups are, because I was a bit lost... Leafwhisker The Sound of the Orchid Rating: 9.5/10 Good: This was really good and VERY well written. I loved the mood/tone of the story, the plot, and just the overall story. Pretty different then most fanfics I've read, andthis one really made me feel the emotions of the characters. Message me when more chaps come out! Bad: Some grammar mistakes, but not too major. Advice: Just keep writing, the story is great. Vale Rating: Good: Bad: Advice: Tsubasafan101 Nameless Finder Rating: Good: Bad: Advice: JJRawesome Hirozu wa, danketsu seyo! Rating: Good: Bad: Advice: Category:Blog posts Category:Dagostino